Chapter Thirty: Lord Dog Saves the Day

"Fatty, are you a virgin? Spray her with your urine! Keep her busy, just stall for time!" Liu Jun shouted at the fatty.

Liu Jun bit his index finger until it bled; a man has to be ruthless with himself. Watching the blood flow freely from his finger, he began drawing a Five-Thunder Talisman directly onto his right palm. That was right—he was attempting to draw the talisman on the spot. If he succeeded, he would use his hand as a conduit to strike the hell out of her.

"Come on, come on! If you don't hit me, I'm going to spray you!" The fatty circled the ghost, taunting her with a smirk. He was a perfect example of a surprisingly agile fatty. He darted around the vengeful spirit, and despite her best efforts, her ghostly claws couldn't land a single blow.

Just as Liu Jun finished the talisman and was about to shout something heroic at the fatty, he heard a "bang." A three-hundred-pound object flew toward him, slamming him into the ground with enough force to shake the building. He felt as if his intestines had been knocked out. The ghost, frustrated that she couldn't catch the fatty, had simply kicked him across the room instead.

Liu Jun struggled to his feet, extended his right hand, and opened his palm to reveal the glowing Five-Thunder Talisman. It had actually worked! He began chanting the incantation rapidly:

"Heavenly Fire Thunder God, Five Directions Divine Thunder. Earthly Fire Thunder God, descend and slay the demons. Evil spirits, begone, by the command of my Emperor. Execute this order at once. Descend, Thunder!"

A flash of lightning and a rumble of thunder followed—but that was it. You read that right; perhaps because his hand was the carrier, the divine thunder seemed unimpressed. A brief flicker and a crackle, and then it vanished, leaving the vengeful spirit completely unscathed.

"Bang!" This time, it wasn't the balcony; he was kicked straight into the windowsill. Liu Jun wondered why this particular ghost had such a penchant for kicking people.

The female ghost grabbed him by the throat, intending to toss him out the window. Thinking fast, Liu Jun yelled, "Wait!" The ghost was momentarily stunned by his audacity, stopping to look at him with a puzzled, terrifying expression.

"Beautiful ghost lady, if I tell you I'm afraid of heights, can you not throw me down?" The scarlet-clad spirit only tightened her grip, lifting him higher, clearly intending to make him perform an unscheduled bungee jump without a cord.

"You bastard, let go of Brother Liu!" The fatty shouted, grabbing a bronze bowl and rushing to smash it against the ghost's head. Predictably, he was kicked away again, collapsing a bed in the process.

Just as Liu Jun was gasping for air and on the verge of suffocation, a white blur flashed by. A massive fox tail struck the ghost with enough force to make her stagger, loosening her grip on Liu Jun's neck. But the little fox was still young; after a few exchanges, she was swatted against the wall and knocked unconscious.

Losing patience, the scarlet ghost decided to stop the performance and lunged to claw directly at Liu Jun’s heart. Just as he thought he was about to meet his ancestors, Brother Dog appeared. A giant version of Brother Dog filled the dormitory, his head brushing the ceiling. He pinned the ghost—who had been thrashing them all—beneath his massive paw. No matter how the spirit struggled, she could not escape.

Brother Dog slowly lowered his gargantuan head; his fangs were so long that even ivory would pale in comparison.

"Kid, any thoughts?" Brother Dog asked.

"Brother Dog, you really need to brush your teeth," Liu Jun replied after a long silence.

"Bang!" This time it wasn't the ghost; Brother Dog had raised his other paw and made intimate contact with Liu Jun. It was clear Brother Dog had held back, or he would have been flying through the air again. Furthermore, the moment Brother Dog’s paw touched him, a cooling sensation washed over the wounds on his back where the ghost had clawed him. Brother Dog had definitely done something.

"I asked you, what are your thoughts on this ghost hunt?" Brother Dog continued. The sight of those menacing fangs discouraged any further attempts at wit.

"I think my skills are too poor," Liu Jun lowered his head. "A single vengeful spirit nearly sent me to meet my ancestors. I need to cultivate properly and study Taoist arts. Please, Brother Dog, help me."

"Not bad, at least you recognize your own incompetence. You won't always have someone to save you. Personal strength is the foundation of survival." Brother Dog lowered his head and swallowed the ghost in one gulp.

Returning to his normal size, Brother Dog walked leisurely over to the little fox, pressed his paw against her for a moment, and then trotted away.

Liu Jun gritted his teeth and checked on the fatty, then pulled the little fox into his arms, collapsing onto the bed, unable to move.

"You two," Liu Jun said, looking at the dean and Wu Zhenzhen, who were still frozen in terror. "Just standing there? If you aren't going to call an ambulance, are you waiting for me to die so you can inherit the three dollars and fifty cents in my Alipay account?"

The dean finally snapped out of it and ran out, calling the emergency services as he hurried down the stairs. Wu Zhenzhen rushed over to gently support Liu Jun.

He couldn't hold on any longer; after a night like that, Liu Jun passed out.

When he woke up, he was greeted by the familiar ceiling, the familiar hospital bed, the familiar bedding, and the familiar nurse, Zhang Tiantian.

"What happened to you two? How long has it been since you were discharged?" the nurse asked.

"We were doing a public service. Why am I back here? How's the fatty?"

"That fatty is the one who arranged your transfer. He's fine, bouncing around. You, on the other hand, have lacerations on your back, a cut on your index finger, and a fractured rib." That was the downside of being thin—no meat to cushion the blow, so the bones took the brunt of it. *Look at the fatty*, Liu Jun thought, *he took just as much of a beating, yet he’s perfectly fine.*

"Rest well. You'll be here for another week. Call me if you need anything," the nurse said.

After she left, Liu Jun pondered his situation. He really was too weak. If things continued like this, he’d be killed by a ghost before he even made any real money. He called the fatty and told him to bring cinnabar, brushes, and books from the shop. And so, he began his training in the hospital.

The next morning, the head of orthopedics came for his rounds. He walked into Liu Jun's room and saw him diligently drawing talismans. He turned to the attending physician beside him and asked, "Is this patient in the wrong department? Has he had any head injuries?"

"No, he was specifically transferred to our orthopedics department from another hospital. His medical records show no head trauma. Perhaps he had pre-existing mental health issues," the attending physician replied. *Damn you, you're the one with mental health issues.*

The head physician picked up the medical chart at the bedside and flipped through a few pages.

"Hello there. How are your wounds? Still painful?" he asked, walking over to Liu Jun.

"The wounds are fine, no pain. It’s just that your hospital has a lot of ghosts; it's hard to get a good night's sleep. Look, there's one clinging to the shoulder of that doctor right there," Liu Jun said, pointing at the attending physician. Of course, he was just scaring him. It was broad daylight—what kind of ghost would be that reckless? That'll teach him to call me crazy.

"Uh, just focus on your recovery. Avoid spicy or stimulating food," the head physician said, turning on his heel and leaving.

As he reached the door, Liu Jun could faintly hear him instructing the nurses and doctors to keep a close eye on him.

The boring days passed one by one, and eventually, Liu Jun was discharged again. During his time in the hospital, if nothing else, he had memorized all the incantations. He had also stabilized his Five-Thunder Talisman and learned the Exorcism Talisman, though he hadn't successfully drawn it yet. As for why he chose the Exorcism Talisman? Two words: simple. Not that the talisman itself was simple, but the incantation certainly was.