One Hundred and Twenty: The Most Horrific Catfishing Disaster

"Well, Madame Guild Master? Where have you been having fun these past few days? It's truly... uh... wonderful to see you," I said, putting on a forced smile against my better judgment. "Hey, Chinge and Wild Goose, long time no see. Oh, Nanny, you're here too? This isn't really a place for someone of your level, you ought to be careful."

The marksman Chinge Yayi and the beastmaster Wild Goose, that ambiguously cozy elf duo, were walking alongside Fayin, while our guild master's loyal personal attendant—a mere level thirty-three cow-taur druid known as Nanny in the Candlelight—padded along right behind them. Like all those horned bumpkins who had just recently left the desolate and ignorant prairie tauren tribes, she blinked her wide, curious eyes as she took in her surroundings.

"I went on a little trip over the past couple of days, so I wasn't online..." Fayin explained to me—evidently oblivious to the fact that I didn't actually care where she had gone, and indeed, there were times when I wished I would never find out at all. As she spoke, she leaned in, looked me up and down, and gently knitted her brows. "We haven't seen each other in so long, how come you haven't even changed into some new gear?"

"Don't even mention it. I've had the worst luck lately. Every quest I take on is some miserable world-saving chore with zero profit. The meager rewards aren't even enough to cover gear repairs. Just the other day, I was..."

"Alright, alright, you're all cut from the same cloth, crying poverty the moment you lay eyes on me. The guild's circulating funds are reasonably ample right now, so I'm in no rush to collect your debts!" Just as I was about to recount my recent hardships, our deep-pocketed guild master impatiently waved a hand, cutting off my explanation.

I've discovered that quite often, when you tell a falsehood, people inevitably take it for earnest truth, whereas when you make a rare attempt to be entirely serious and truthful, people invariably treat it as a hypocritical lie—this endless chain of misunderstandings and being misunderstood often renders our existence fickle and helpless.

Regardless, even if it was a misunderstanding, as long as it deflected Fayin's covetous gaze from my pitiful coin purse, it was a good thing. I breathed a secret sigh of relief and asked, "What are you all doing here? Is there anything I can help with?"

Chinge Yayi shrugged and offered an apologetic smile. "We actually had a quest to complete here, but we just arranged to meet up with Yangtze River Delta and Buddha's Smile. The party's already full, so we can't bring you along..."

"That's just fa—cough, cough, cough... I mean, what a terrible shame." Upon learning that I wouldn't have to risk being skinned and marrow-sucked while fighting shoulder-to-shoulder with our esteemed guild master, I let out an immediate sigh of relief, narrowly avoiding a slip of the tongue. Fayin looked at me suspiciously. I gazed up at the sky at a pristine forty-five-degree angle, letting the gentle breeze flush my cheeks.

"Hey, Buddha's Smile, you really can't bear being talked about. We were just mentioning you," Chinge Yayi suddenly raised his arm and waved behind me. Following his gaze, a scarred human swordsman with a blade at his left and a sword at his right—Buddha's Smile—came into view.

Buddha's Smile spotted us in the crowd and hurried over. "Everyone's gathered, huh? Am I late? Sorry, sorry, I just finished handing in a quest and got held up repairing my gear on the way."

"Not late at all. There's still one more person you agreed upon who hasn't arrived..." I explained to him, "...I have an urgent quest and can't join you guys."

"Phew. Good, as long as I didn't hold things up, I'm relieved," the white-robed swordsman nodded in response.

"Oh, right. Buddha's Smile..." At this, Fayin seemed to suddenly recall something. She stepped closer, lowered her voice, and asked with curious anticipation, "I heard your little attendant treated you to Australian lobster the other day? How was it? How was it?" With that, our guild master licked her lips and cast a predatory glance at the tauren druid standing not far away, who was currently staring blankly at the towering skyscrapers. That look resembled nothing less than someone eyeing a steaming, all-beef banquet.

"Yeah, yeah! How was it really?" Chinge Yayi, Wild Goose, and I chimed in simultaneously. Let's not forget that when Buddha's Smile was fighting tooth and nail alongside the rest of us to snatch a piece of junk equipment for his monk attendant, "I Am Your Father," all three of us had risked our lives to accompany him. Naturally, we had every reason to care about the outcome. Especially me—strictly speaking, it was I who had stepped forward to duel the guild master of the Smite Hammer Knight Corps, Lifetime Devoted to Dreams, to win him that free dinner. Even though this master-and-servant feast had taken place in a distant otherworldly realm, I remained thoroughly interested.

"This..." Buddha's Smile's expression suddenly turned bizarre. His brows pulled into an inverted "V" shape, and the muscles at the corners of his mouth twitched slightly. He looked very much like some unfortunate fellow who had just bitten heavily into an unripe lemon—his entire jaw aching with cramps from the sourness, yet due to etiquette, he could neither spit it out immediately nor swallow it whole, leaving him awkwardly stuck between advancing and retreating.

"Well... it was just a meal, just an ordinary meal... haha..." Buddha's Smile faked a laugh to cover it up.

"Just an ordinary meal..." Fayin's shriek sounded precisely like a cat whose tail had been stepped on. She likely realized her reaction was a bit over the top, as she cast a slightly embarrassed look around her—though primarily, she stole a glance at Nanny in the Candlelight not far away. Realizing that the out-of-touch, big-mouthed cow-taur was currently drooling with envy over a passerby's high-end gear and hadn't paid any attention to our conversation, she finally relaxed.

"...Are you out of your mind with greed? That was Australian lobster! Australian lobster!!" Fayin grabbed the collar of Buddha's Smile's robe, lowered her voice, and said through gritted teeth, "Even I was only planning to hit that silly big cow up for a hotpot at most, and here you are taking advantage of the situation while playing innocent, calling a meal like that... just... an... ordinary... meal?!"

We knew that the world was never short of people gifted with self-mockery and irony, such as the guild master standing right before us—who was actually capable of righteously and shamelessly accusing someone else of "greed." Thus, we could understand how the world was filled everywhere with absurd black humor.

Although I had no idea how expensive a delicacy this "Australian lobster" they kept talking about might be, I was certain Buddha's Smile had clearly struck a massive windfall; otherwise, the guild master wouldn't have lost her composure so completely. This was unmistakably driven by intense jealousy. Whether it was my imagination or not, a faint, feverish, and ferocious red light seemed to flicker within Fayin's aquamarine eyes. I couldn't guarantee she wasn't harboring the dark urge to strip the shell and pluck the feathers of the white-robed swordsman who had enjoyed a perk she couldn't get, and devour him alive.

Could Wagner's lethal undead toxins have somehow infected Fayin? I braced myself inwardly.

"Really... there's really nothing to talk about..." Buddha's Smile leaned back awkwardly. Surprisingly, when facing our guild master's cannibalistic glare, he didn't show the slightest trace of fear; instead, he merely looked somewhat... sheepish?

"Fayin, cut it out. Yangtze River Delta is here!" At that moment, the elf beastmaster Wild Goose, holding a massive firelock, interrupted Fayin's interrogation and pointed far into the distance.

Ahead, a soft wave of flesh was squeezing its way through the congested crowd, surging toward us with joyful slowness. Even without checking the name, one could tell that this massive humanoid creature composed of numerous spherical layers was none other than our familiar half-orc fat rogue—Yangtze River Delta.

"Huh? It looks like he's bringing someone along with him." I dimly caught sight of another figure trailing behind him, keeping pace in a leisurely manner and occasionally exchanging words with him.

While we were still observing, Chinge Yayi had already made out the person's name: "He even brought 'I Am Your Father' along. Buddha's Smile, your little attendant is here." It seemed that Chinge Yayi's vision, once that semi-blind fellow put on his glasses, was sharper than any of us.

Fayin immediately waved and called out cheerfully, "I Am Your Father, your boss is right here with us, hurry up and come pay your respects!"

I must admit that the name of this unremarkable, bearded human monk was profoundly provocative. No sooner had Fayin finished shouting than she drew the glare of fury from everyone on the street. Fortunately, she quickly noticed the situation, hurriedly lowered her head, pressed her index fingers together in a shy gesture, and put on an innocent expression like a rising morning sun, muttering pitifully and quietly: "I was just calling out my friend's name, it's just a name..."

Busy striking this aggrieved and terrified, carefree pose, she successfully extinguished the wave of anger surging toward her from the crowd. But precisely because of this, she failed to notice that Buddha's Smile beside her had turned deathly pale, sweat pouring down like rain as he nervously cursed under his breath: "Damn it, why is he here too, why is he here too..."

Hearing Fayin's shout, the wretched-looking bearded monk instantly perged up. He promptly abandoned Yangtze River Delta, shoved his way forcefully through the crowd, and accelerated toward us: "Where is he, where is he..."

This master-and-servant pair of clowns had clearly already achieved legendary status within the guild, and even the guild master's personal attendant, Nanny in the Candlelight, had heard tales of them—or perhaps felt a sense of shared misery. She casually pointed in the direction where Buddha's Smile was standing and teased, "Well, there he is. Go pay your respects."

The bearded hanger-on strode rapidly toward Buddha's Smile, and we eagerly anticipated witnessing a torrential downpour of flattery.

"...You motherfucking little rascal, sneaking out to play video games instead of studying properly. Want to run... where do you think you're running, see how I deal with you..."

"Smack!" With a crisp sound, the monk's thick hand slammed heavily onto the white-robed swordsman's forehead, landing as solidly as if it had struck our own cheeks...

The autumn cicadas chirped, and we all stood in unison, utterly dumbfounded.

Revolution, riots, the tides of history turning, where there is oppression there is resistance, the world belongs to us as much as to you, serfs becoming the masters of their own destiny, the Internationale shall surely be realized, human rights in the Falvey Continent are better than ever before... In an instant, countless chaotic vocabulary words—relevant and irrelevant, understood and misunderstood, applicable and inapplicable—flooded into my mind, yet I had no idea which one to use to describe the massive upheaval unfolding before my eyes.

"The world is turning upside down..." I let out a soft sigh. Fayin seemed to catch some hidden meaning in my words and shot me a vigilant glare. I immediately straightened my back, looking thoroughly resolute, steadfast, and unyielding—a picture of someone firmly rallying around our leader, Miss Fayin, as the core of the guild's leadership without the slightest wavering or hesitation.

Faced with the heavy blows from *I Am Your Father*, Buddha's Smile showed not the slightest intention of fighting back. He hung his head low against his chest, hunched his shoulders, and cowed as he wrapped both hands tightly around his skull, letting his former hanger-on rock his frame back and forth. Even though he was losing a dozen or so hit points from the strikes, he didn't dare draw his blade to confront this low-level monk who was twenty levels his junior.

"Oh my, what's going on here? Did you guys have a falling out? Talk things over nicely, don't you usually play together just fine? Look at you two brothers..." Nanny in the Candlelight, the heavily made-up tauren big sister, couldn't bear to watch any longer and stepped forward to mediate.

She didn't expect it, and neither did we. Her words of persuasion acted like a barrel of boiling oil poured onto a fire, igniting an even more furious blaze.

"Two brothers?" The bearded monk was first stunned, then flew into a rage. He curled his finger and delivered a ferocious knock right onto Buddha's Smile's forehead, producing a crisp "thunk" that shaved off another eight of his hit points, before launching into an even more merciless and unsparing tirade: "Two brothers my ass..."

"Hey, you shouldn't talk like that..." As guild master, when internal people's conflicts among guild members escalated to a certain degree, Fayin also had to step in and arbitrate. "...Whatever problems you have, lay them out and clear them up. Even if he's in the wrong, there's no need to curse. We're all one big family here..."

At that moment, the victim of this civil war finally couldn't hold back anymore. Buddha's Smile—that unfortunate fellow whose head had swollen to a size rivaling a tauren's—wailed weakly, much like a bullied little beast.

"...Dad, Dad, I was wrong, I was wrong, okay?! Stop hitting me... ouch... just spare me..."

Fayin's mouth remained open, yet she swallowed all her words back down into her stomach, along with her duties as guild master. She froze entirely in place, utterly speechless and motionless.

Not just her, but the rest of us as well. Me, Yangtze River Delta, Chinge Yayi, Wild Goose, Nanny in the Candlelight... all of us. I felt as though I had been petrified. Not only my tongue and body, but even my thoughts had seized up; from head to toe, only a pair of eyes remained operational, staring unblinkingly at this domestic violence that seemed both entirely natural and yet horribly awkward no matter how one looked at it.

"Dad"? This sudden form of address struck like a brick, smashing heavily into each of our faces and leaving us collectively dazed and nearly suffering a synchronized shock. In my view, their stupefaction seemed merely a result of surprise. But for me, this matter—which was already unexpected to the extreme—contained an additional layer of profound confusion that I could not crack:

How could a pair of father and son fail entirely to recognize one another? And how did they suddenly come to recognize each other? They seemed to have experienced some unpleasantness, but what kind of matter could that possibly be? This was probably yet another question that only those void-walkers could answer, I guessed. Though completely groundless, I concluded that this issue was intimately connected to that "Australian lobster" we had just mentioned.

"Uh..." Fayin opened her eyes wide, staring at the father executing corporal punishment right before her.

"I spent money to send you to cram school!" *"Thunk!"* "Making you little bastard play truant!" *"Thunk!"* "And you even had the nerve to lie to your mother saying you had extra classes today!" *"Thunk!"* "Sneaking out to play video games!" *"Thunk!"*...

Every time *I Am Your Father* finished a sentence, he would viciously rap Buddha's Smile's skull with his bent middle finger knuckle, producing a horrifying "thunk-thunk" sound accompanied by Buddha's Smile's cries—a spectacle too miserable to witness.

Chinge Yayi looked on with profound pity as the son, whose collar had been grabbed so he couldn't escape, hugged his head and wailed. He instinctively touched his own forehead and shrank his neck, as if recalling some unpleasant memory.

"Meeting in person and dying of embarrassment..." he sighed softly. "...Still the most tragic one I've ever seen."

Over there, the warm dialogue blending flesh and blood between father and son continued:

"...I won't let you fail to learn!" *"Thunk!"* "I won't let you be dishonest!" *"Thunk!"* "I won't let you hang out with a bunch of bad company!" *"Thunk!"*...

A flash of sheepishness crossed Yangtze River Delta's face before he instantly darted his gaze toward Chinge Yayi; Chinge Yayi glanced at Wild Goose beside him; Wild Goose avoided the marksman's gaze through his glass lenses and looked earnestly at Fayin; Fayin looked unflinchingly at Nanny in the Candlelight. The poor tauren big sister quickly realized she lacked the capacity to bear this gaze of condemnation that had bounced around and landed upon her, and thus sought out someone even more pitiful: me.

The even more pitiful me had nowhere left to dodge, and then, with one accord, they all turned to look at me.

I felt aggrieved: How could you call a righteous young man who had been busy saving the world day after day for an entire week "bad company"?

*I Am Your Father* at this moment seemed to realize his phrasing had been inappropriate and immediately sought to clear our names: "Well... Guild Master..." He scratched his head with a trace of embarrassment, looking at Fayin "...Don't misunderstand, I didn't mean you guys haha..." And in the next split second, he spun back around with a fierce glare, resuming a father's domestic education.

"...You've got some nerve now?" *"Thunk!"* "Growing wings and getting bold?" *"Thunk!"* "Standing up for others now?" *"Thunk!"* "Acting like a triad boss?" *"Thunk!"* "And motherfucking recruiting underlings?!" *"Thunk!"*...

"I didn't... you were the one who kept chasing after me calling me big bro..." Buddha's Smile struggled in defense, a point to which I could genuinely bear witness for him.

"You still dare talk back!" *"Thunk!"* "Ouch..."

Uh... perhaps I shouldn't bear witness for him after all...

"...The most infuriating thing is, if you're going to treat someone to a meal, fine, but you actually had to bring... sister-in-law?!" *"Thunk!"* "And not just one!" *"Thunk!"* "Three at once!" *"Thunk!"* "Back in my day, your mother and I were pushing thirty and didn't even dare hold hands on the street!" *"Thunk!"* "Hey... why am I even telling you this useless stuff!" *"Thunk!"* "Not learning right at such a young age?" *"Thunk!"* "Always messing around with this kind of nonsense!" *"Thunk!"* "Who are those girls?" *"Thunk!"* "Which class are they in?" *"Thunk!"* "What are their names?" *"Thunk!"* "See if I don't call and report this to your teacher!" *"Thunk!"*...

"Three of them? Kids these days are truly formidable. Tsk tsk..." Yangtze River Delta sighed in fascination and praise.

"What's so great about that? Far from it. Back in my day, I..." Chinge Yayi stopped midway through his sentence, suddenly letting out a bray like an emasculated donkey that startled the rest of us. Turning to look, we saw Wild Goose sporting a warmth-filled smile as she gently stroked his upper inner arm.

"How was it back in your day?" the elf beastmaster asked with water-like tenderness.

"...Back in my day, I closed my ears to matters outside the window and devoted myself entirely to studying the sages," Chinge Yayi replied with tears streaming down his face.

"I'd have to be a ghost to believe that," Wild Goose said with a smile that was half-amused, half-resentful.

Chinge Yayi shivered.

"...Kid... oh no... brother... um... uncle..." Seeing that our guild was about to lose a young and promising patriot dedicated to fighting the invasion of the apocalyptic empire, only to gain a concussed victim of domestic violence, Fayin felt it was a bit excessive to let all this unfold right before her eyes. She wanted to intervene, but the moment she opened her mouth, she stopped—she had no idea what term of address to use for this low-level member at the very bottom of the guild. This indescribably awkward predicament left our guild master unprecedentedly mortified.

"Big brother, stop hitting him. With so many people watching, leave the boy some face..." Breaking the stalemate was Nanny in the Candlelight, the tauren druid who, like *I Am Your Father*, belonged to the bottom tier of the guild.

"...Calm your anger. Kids this age are all playful, they'll understand once they're a bit older. When our girl was in school back home, she was just as wild and gave her mother no end of worry. But hasn't she grown up now..." At this point, the kindly tauren big sister let out a deep sigh. "...Sigh... though she's still wild and never stays home..."

These words apparently struck a chord with the bearded monk. He paused, then delivered a kick to Buddha's Smile's backside: "Go on. Seeing as auntie is interceding for you, I'll spare you little bastard today."

Thereupon, *I Am Your Father* and Nanny in the Candlelight plunged into a lively conversation, discovering plenty of common language. Buddha's Smile seized the opportunity to scramble away on all fours and hide behind us.

"Is he really your dad?" Yangtze River Delta asked.

Buddha's Smile nodded so hard his neck nearly snapped.

"No wonder you played so poorly. You're both middle-aged folks! I was practically worked to death dragging him along the whole way..." Yangtze River Delta realized with a start, then asked out of lingering curiosity:

"You couldn't tell his voice apart after all this time?"

"If your dad suddenly acted all servile and called you 'boss, boss' while buttering you up with cheesy flattery, you wouldn't recognize his voice either," Buddha's Smile muttered irritably.

"Fair enough..." Yangtze River Delta nodded.

Within the space of a few remarks, the two newly acquainted parents finished their exchange. The bearded monk shouted toward Buddha's Smile, "You brat, where do you think you're going?"

Buddha's Smile was cowed into silence: "I'm logging off right now and heading straight home to do my homework."

"... " *I Am Your Father* pondered for a moment, and a bizarre expression rapidly flashed across his face. He gave a couple of dry coughs and said in a deadpan tone:

"Ahem... since you're already here, you might as well play a little longer. Take me to Scorched Castle. Run a few quests for me. I still lack a level forty-five cloak..." He paused before adding, "It's the weekend anyway. I won't push you too hard, I'm still quite an enlightened parent..."

"This..." Buddha's Smile hesitated.

"Hurry up! Do I need to invite you with an eight-bearer sedan chair?" *I Am Your Father* frowned.

"Alright, Dad, I'm going..." Buddha's Smile walked out with a face full of reluctance, casting a lingering, mournful wave back at us as he approached the bearded monk. Then the father and son turned and walked away together, leaving me with two backs that bore zero resemblance to a father and son.

"Dad..." Buddha's Smile's timid voice drifted back.

"Hn?" *I Am Your Father* grunted with majestic severity.

"Um... about me playing truant to play games... you won't tell Mom, right?" Buddha's Smile asked in a low voice, harboring the tiniest flicker of utterly groundless hope.

"That depends on your performance from now on!" *I Am Your Father* replied mercilessly.

"Oh..." After taking a few steps, *I Am Your Father* suddenly broke the silence.

"What is it, Dad?" Buddha's Smile chimed in obsequiously.

"That matter about me playing video games... you're not allowed to tell your mom either!"

"Did you hear me?"

"...Yeah..."

We stood numbly, watching that eccentric pair of father and son until their voices gradually faded away and their figures dissolved into the distance.

"Hey, Fayin," Yangtze River Delta suddenly seemed to recall something.

"Hn?"

"Didn't you say Nanny was treating you to dinner tomorrow?"

The mage's pretty face instantly drained of all color.

"Guild Master Big Sister..." Nanny in the Candlelight had somehow wandered over to our side, radiating a gentle, maternal glow all over with a kindly smile:

"May I ask, how old are you this year?"

"Why are you asking that?!" Fayin looked terrified, instinctively crossing her arms over her chest.

"And... what was your mother's maiden name?" the tauren big sister pressed relentlessly.

Fayin clenched her teeth, squeezing a few words out from between them:

"I won't talk even if you beat me to death!"