Chapter 66: The Warehouse Goes Crazy

Level 25 spirit helmet, 20 intelligence, 50 life—newbie clearance sale, one gold coin, half sell, half give away… Specializing in bone decay water, slowdown potions, and all sorts of potent toxins—quality merchandise at rock-bottom prices, perfect for the whole family, the ultimate medicine for home, travel, killing, and covering tracks… Passing by, don’t miss it—leveling up, clearing out personal equipment sets, bulk and retail welcome, small blades accepted, no purchase, no disturbance… Professional account training, two hundred coins for three weeks to forty levels, plus a full set of a hundred magic gear bags, pay first, account later, honest dealings, chain service—those interested, please contact… Robbing the construction bank downstairs of our home, with powerful meat shields and ice mages, healing only, healing only…

I stood blankly with Changsanjiao, the half-beast shadow thief, in the bustling center square of Reed City, watching these vendors bellow with all their might. Most had laid out a cloth on the ground, arranged their wares, and hawked them with practiced calls in the vendors’ distinctive patter, shamelessly pushing goods to passersby. Others shouted bone-chilling slogans—“blood tears streaked, jumping from buildings, massive clearance,” “once-in-a-lifetime sale,” “own everything you desire”—making it hard to resist. Yet any careful observer could see the goods were no better than claimed and the prices were far from cheap.

“What should we do?” I asked hesitantly.

“How would I know?” Changsanjiao rolled his eyes. “Since selling used books in school before graduating, I haven’t stood a stall in nearly ten years.”

What was a university?

To quickly assemble the twenty new members our guild desperately needed, Yin Fei issued a dead-end task: each of us had to develop at least one “offline member” within two days using any means—deceit, scam, or otherwise—or face fines. Every recruit added contribution, and those recruits who in turn recruited added even more for their superiors. It was a horribly convoluted algorithm.

After the orders were passed, we lined up with burning zeal, chanting inspirational slogans under Yin Fei’s lead: “We are the best,” “Our guild will succeed,” “Nothing we can’t do, only what we can’t imagine.” Then we scattered across the cities, aggressively recruiting.

Before we left, Xian Ge Ya Yi looked pale and terrified, asking Changsanjiao if Yin Fei was planning a pyramid scheme right here. Changsanjiao shook his head helplessly, face etched with the exhaustion of “boarding the thief ship is easy, but getting off is hell.”

Now we stood amid the endless stream of people, brows furrowed, unsure where to begin.

After a long pause, Changsanjiao bit his lip, leaned close to my ear, and whispered a plan. When he finished, my jaw dropped in shock. Only then did I realize the half-beast’s sense of shame was fundamentally alien to humans.

We returned to Reed City’s crowded streets, dressed in bright, if shabby, clothes. Changsanjiao wore a red headband—once the exclusive junior headgear of level-one newbies—and I clutched a small drum and drumstick, both beginner bard items.

“Does this even work?” I asked doubtfully.

“Old movies all do it. It should be effective.” Changsanjiao’s tone betrayed no confidence.

“Still, we have to try. Let’s start…”

“Go!” he declared with solemn gravity.

Knock knock knock knock… At his signal I pounded the drum with all my strength. Though I lacked the bardic power to make sound resonate, I still managed to make it loud and hideous enough to draw every eye on the street.

Spotting my success, Changsanjiao cleared his throat and began to roar:

“Dear brothers, sisters, gentlemen and ladies…”

Knock! I hit the drum to accent the half-beast shadow thief’s tone.

“It’s often said…”

Knock! “Rely on parents at home…”

Knock! “Rely on friends when abroad…”

Knock!

At first Changsanjiao was stiff and red-faced before the crowd, but soon he relaxed into the role, his voice growing fluent and strangely poetic.

“Staying home a thousand days is good, going out for a moment is hard. Even with ten thousand gold, troubles come. An ancient poem says: a child traveling a thousand li, mother worries; on the road, travelers lose their souls; a lone sail vanishes into the green sky; beyond Yang Pass, no old friends…”

Knock! I had no idea where this fat half-beast had learned such bizarre rhymes, which somehow seemed connected yet made no sense when stitched together.

With his booming calls, people pressed closer, layers upon layers. Those on the outside asked neighbors, who could only half-guess and offer strange answers:

“Heard someone learned a new skill—chest-smashing big stone performance soon…”

“Probably selling giant potions, not the same as strength pills…”

“Two idiots had their accounts stolen and are begging naked…”

……

Ignoring the crowd’s puzzled stares, Changsanjiao finally finished his pitch and moved to the real matter.

“We’re forming a guild. Those with money, support with money; those with people, support with people. Please help and care for us. For those interested, leave your contact information…”

Before he finished, the crowd erupted and dispersed.

“What? Another guild recruiting?”

“Some random little guild popped up, can’t even gather twenty people—doomed…”

“Strength pill sold out?”

“We want to see the chest-smashing big stone!”

……

Just as our recruitment plan collapsed in despair, a commotion erupted near the square. A clear, chilly breeze brushed my skin; tiny hissing sounds drifted from the air. We looked up to see clouds twisting into grotesque shapes, then the sky turning a cold, vivid blue. Blocks of glowing blue ice crystals rained down, covering an empty patch of ground and chiming as they struck the earth. A black cloud darkened the scene, followed by brilliant lightning that blazed through the ice like sapphire fire. A tender green whirlwind rose, lending the spectacle a living breath.

The display was crafted from three high-level-area-attack spells: a level-40 blizzard, a level-35 lightning spell “thunderclap,” and a “guardian” druid’s “greenfield wind.” None were rare, yet combining them required flawless timing and coordination.

When the show ended, a petite elf priestess in a pink-and-white cute outfit stepped forward. She smiled and greeted the crowd, then announced in a clear voice:

“Hello, I am Xiangxiang from the Knight Order of the Hammer of Retribution’s human resources department. These three are my assistants.” She gestured to the two mages and the guardian who had just cast the spells.

Knight Order of the Hammer of Retribution? Our old acquaintance, the adventure guild founded by the holy knight “One Lifelong Devoted to Dream,” the first continent alliance?

“Today we bring you good news,” the priestess continued. “Our Knight Order of the Hammer of Retribution is recruiting ten new members. Their task will be exploring the reef fortress dungeon on the Skull Flag Archipelago. New members must be at least level 45 after class transfer, with at least two hours online each night. Strong defense and healer roles can be relaxed. We give priority to recruiting…”

“New members receive a matching occupation high-life armor set and the chance to unconditionally change weapons. Items from dungeon runs may be chosen first; the first three dungeon runs’ gold goes entirely to the new member. Guild members enjoy 80% off potions, 70% off repairs, and 90% off crafting materials in the guild marketplace. The first ten registrants—whether accepted or not—receive a free weapon-upgrade forging opportunity from our guild. Spots are limited; opportunities are rare. Send your race, class, level, and contact to me to join the mightiest alliance guild…”

After the priestess finished, the three casters combined again, producing another dazzling display. Many pulled out their spellbooks and began writing registration emails. Others crowded around, peppering her with questions about guild life and, inevitably, the number of female players and beautiful women.

Watching the bustling recruitment and comparing it with our own pitiful turnout, I glanced at the drum in my hand, then at Changsanjiao’s bloated beast face, and murmured, “Changsan, your trick… seems… useless after all.”

The fat half-beast shadow thief froze, then suddenly remembered something, whipped out his magic diary, and scribbled furiously. I tiptoed over and saw he was also writing a registration letter to the priestess.

“You’re insane? You really want to join that Knight Order of the Hammer of Retribution? Then what about us?” I blurted.

Actually, joining any guild mattered little to me. What truly terrified me was Yin Fei’s reaction. If she learned I hadn’t recruited anyone but had instead offloaded Changsanjiao for free, she might skin and boil me for coin.

I began to consider signing up myself to escape her grasp.

“Who said you couldn’t?” Changsanjiao slammed my head. “You can sign up even if you don’t want to join. Didn’t she say the first ten get free upgrades? Don’t waste a freebie…”

“……Oh. Then I’ll give it a try.” Under his wise reminder, I opened my own spellbook…

Just as I was about to send the letter…

“Eh? Jeffries? Changsanjiao? What are you doing here? Perfect!” I startled and tried to look up, but only halfway before stopping. At waist height, a dwarf woman gripping a crude nail hammer—named “Warehouse Also Crazy”—stared at me with unnerving enthusiasm. Gooseflesh rose. I stepped back; the quill slipped and accidentally tapped the delete button on my spellbook, erasing the almost-finished letter.

…Damn, my weapon-upgrade chance! I scanned the crowd and realized I had missed the top ten.

“Who are you? How do you know us?” For the dwarf who had shattered my great take advantage plan, my tone was cold.

“I am…” She lowered her voice, glanced around to ensure no one knew her, then whispered like a thief:

“……I am the D-flat Minor Nocturne.”

Seeing a female bard dwarf grandma declare herself the familiar bard D-flat Minor Nocturne, I was stunned. My mind spun with memories—possession, sex reassignment surgery, dissociative identity disorder—until I blurted the first thing that came to mind: “Hey, you seem taller!” I gestured at her head.

The dwarf blinked, then smiled. “Taller? That’s the power of better posture.”