Chapter Seventeen: Two Conditions

Baimu carried Afei back to the spot where Uzuki Yugao had fainted. Moonlight Hayate, still uneasy, followed after a brief rest, now crouched beside Yugao, untying the ropes from her wrists and trying to wake her.

Seeing Baimu, Hayate showed a hint of surprise. “The ones from Iwagakure… are they all dead?”

Baimu nodded, offering a sheepish smile. “The bodies of the chunin are here. The jonin, Retsuchi, might be a bit tricky to move—he’s quite broken up.”

“That was Afei’s masterpiece! He squeezed so hard even the bowels came out!” Afei, now in cat form, couldn’t resist his usual chatter.

“Hey, I heard cats can lick their own…” Baimu said to Afei.

“Oh! Is that so?!” Afei fell silent, earnestly lifting his leg, stretching his neck, twisting his body, and straining to reach his own… But alas, his plump frame made it impossible.

Finally, Baimu could speak properly.

“Even… Jonin Retsuchi was…” Moonlight Hayate’s eyes flickered intensely. He knew Retsuchi’s name because it appeared on the camp’s list of dangerous individuals—experienced, cautious, and particularly troublesome.

Yet this man before him, barely older than himself, had managed to kill Retsuchi…

Who on earth was he…?

On the ground, Uzuki Yugao finally awoke. At once, she recognized the perverse stranger before her. Even though his mask was off, the bloodstains on his clothes betrayed him.

“Pervert… pervert…! Moonlight Hayate?” Yugao retreated in alarm, only then realizing she still had a living teammate beside her.

“Seems your companion has a bit of a misunderstanding about me,” Baimu said, squatting down with a smile so pure it was almost angelic.

It was the kind of smile you’d see in films, just before the devil tore off his mask—well-dressed, impeccable, but chilling.

“Don’t come any closer!” Yugao shrieked, hurling herself into Hayate’s arms.

“What… what’s going on?” Hayate blushed, hands awkwardly unsure where to rest. He liked Yugao, but only from afar. A life plagued by illness, never knowing when a cough might end him—how could he dare to pursue such a beauty?

“It was genjutsu—I used genjutsu to kill Ishii. Perhaps I accidentally hurt this young lady while casting it,” Baimu replied with an innocent, scholarly smile.

“It wasn’t genjutsu! He really is a pervert! He said he escaped from the high-security ward of Konoha Prison, claimed his name was Mundo, and that he was a murderous cannibal!” Yugao’s face turned deathly pale at Baimu’s devilish smile.

“That’s just the content of the genjutsu. I’m really not a pervert.” Baimu spread his hands. “Would a pervert keep such an adorable little cat?”

Afei was still valiantly licking himself.

“That body! Ishii’s corpse! I saw him brutally hack Ishii to death!” Yugao pointed at the corpse nearby, desperate to prove Baimu’s depravity.

“No, no, no, I specialize in genjutsu. I’m not strong enough to kill in one blow. To make sure he couldn’t resist, I had to strike multiple times. Perhaps I got a bit carried away,” Baimu said, waving his hands and fervently denying any perversion.

“Enough. This friend is someone I asked to help. In fact, he killed three Iwagakure ninjas and saved us,” Hayate explained.

Baimu shrugged harmlessly.

Yugao still watched him warily.

“Say… you’re not a Konoha ninja, are you?” Hayate finally voiced his suspicion after much deliberation.

“Oh? Why do you say that?” Baimu raised an eyebrow, recalling he’d first shown Ebisu’s Konoha forehead protector.

“Our camp isn’t small, but most of the ninjas know each other.”

“And why couldn’t I be a village ninja sent on a mission?” Baimu countered.

“Because… you’re wearing Ebisu’s clothes and his sunglasses. Only he dresses like that in the camp… What happened to Ebisu?” As he spoke, Hayate quietly shifted his hand closer to his sword.

“Relax, relax. That guy is a bit sleazy, but we wanderer-nin wouldn’t mess with a major village ninja without good reason. Ebisu’s doing splendidly.” Baimu waved off the concern.

“You say you wouldn’t kill a major village ninja without benefit, but you still killed Iwagakure ninjas,” Yugao pressed, sensing she’d caught Baimu in a contradiction.

“Who said there was no benefit? Hayate promised me two conditions,” Baimu said, licking his lips, his eyes glinting with the sparkle of gold coins.

“Did I… did I really promise?” Hayate felt as if Baimu’s gaze had stripped him naked, making his skin crawl.

“Just a small request… When you get back, study this thoroughly—tonight!” Baimu pulled a copy of “Intimate Paradise” from his ninja pouch and stuffed it into Hayate’s arms.

“What is this…?” Yugao stared blankly at the orange book cover.

“You’ll have one too. But… only when you come of age. Remember! Before you’re an adult, absolutely, absolutely, absolutely don’t open it!” Baimu adjusted his sunglasses, a final glint of dignity flickering across the lenses.

“Intimate Paradise” was so popular not for its explicitness, but for its love stories and delicate descriptions—an almost perfect balance; a bit more would be vulgar, a bit less would seem dull.

Yugao gazed at the book in her hands, the forbidden fruit only making her more curious.

“It’s just reading a book, that’s easy enough. What’s the other condition?” Hayate asked, sounding unconcerned.

“Well, well, Kakashi thought so too back then, but ended up only able to unleash four Lightning Cuts a day… Heh, the other condition requires props I don’t have here. We’ll need to return to your camp,” Baimu replied with a cheerful grin.

“You want to come with us back to camp?” Hayate was surprised.

“Of course. We lonely wanderers venture into the ninja world to earn some money and improve the tough conditions in our village. There’s an elder at home who can barely move…” Baimu stroked Afei’s plump chin.

“Kid, once we’ve got the cash, we’ll make a wheelchair for Lord Madara, so he can enjoy the sunshine too,” Afei chimed in.

“So, you want to take a commission from our commander?” Hayate asked.

“Exactly!” Baimu really just wanted to blend into the Konoha camp and earn some gold. After all, Konoha had the most canon characters.

“Um… since you saved me, do I owe you two conditions as well?”

Ah, Sage of Six Paths, guess what Baimu encountered?

A tower-charging Uzuki Yugao!

Baimu stroked his chin, pondering.

Cross-dressing missions only worked on men…

“So… my request for you is…” Baimu lowered his voice, slowly unbuttoning his shirt.

Yugao nervously clasped her hands, breath quickening.

“Use your eyes and watch me closely—let’s have a sweaty, youthful warm-up together!”

Baimu tore off his shirt, revealing his thin frame, then lay on the ground and began sit-ups, rising and falling in rhythmic succession.

“Overlord’s Passion: Perform fifty sets of sit-ups before a woman to increase all attributes by 50% for a period.”

These were no ordinary sit-ups. Sweat beaded from his pores, the air thick with masculine hormones. Baimu’s thin body swelled, inflating like a balloon until taut muscles formed.

“This is what a real man should look like!” Baimu struck a bodybuilder’s pose.

Yugao covered her eyes. “Such a pervert!”