Side Story: Singles’ Day Special [Unrelated to the Main Plot]
Singles’ Day Special... A Boring Short Skit... Really... It’s just a short skit.
Narrator: “Ahem, welcome, everyone, to our talk show, ‘Into Singles’ Day’, proudly sponsored by Divine Gear Girl, and not by ‘Divine Gear Girl Kotori’, but by ‘Transforming Divine Gear Girl’. I am the God of All Gods, the Demon of All Demons, the Master of Universal Truth—Circle God Flame Demon.”
Xiao Yuan: “...”
Narrator: “Today, we’ve invited our protagonist, who possesses ever-changing abilities and is capable of anything—Sun Wukong (the protagonist of Journey to the West).”
Xiao Yuan: “...”
Narrator: “Xiao Yuan, why aren’t you saying anything? You should be making fun of what I just said. How am I supposed to continue hosting if you don’t?”
Xiao Yuan: “I don’t feel like talking.”
Narrator: “Why not?”
Xiao Yuan: “Because I’m not single. If I say anything during a Singles’ Day program, wouldn’t that mean I’m admitting to being single?”
Narrator: “I’m not single either.”
Xiao Yuan: “I wasn’t talking about you. But just to be sure, I’ve specially prepared this.”
Narrator: “Chocolate? What are you doing with chocolate?”
Xiao Yuan: “To propose to Wen Hui, of course.”
Narrator: “A proposal... Burn, burn, burn! Burn all the heterosexuals!”
Xiao Yuan: “Sorry, we’re both women.”
Narrator: “That’s unacceptable too. My great FFF Inquisition must burn all couples—no matter if it’s boys’ love or girls’ love. Burn! Burn! Burn!”
(With a “thud,” a broom falls from the sky and knocks out the narrator.)
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Witch Bro: “Ah, sorry, sorry, my hand slipped.”
Xiao Yuan: “A broom? Wait, are you a witch?”
Witch Bro: “I am not a witch. Have you ever seen a witch as handsome as Daniel Wu?”
Xiao Yuan: “Daniel Wu? You mean ‘Faceless Wu’, right? Ahem, what’s with your outfit then?”
Witch Bro: “Oh, this? It’s my little sister’s.”
Xiao Yuan: “So your sister is a witch?”
Witch Bro: “She’s not a witch...”
Admiral: “Time’s almost up. Get on the ship, witch.”
Witch Bro: “Wait, wait, I still have something to do, and I’m not a witch!”
(The Admiral grabs Witch Bro without another word and drags him off.)
A distant voice: “My little sister is not a witch!”
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Narrator: “My head hurts. What just happened?”
Xiao Yuan: “Don’t you remember? You said you were going to give us lucky money just now.”
(Extends her palm, asking for lucky money.)
Narrator: “Did I? My head hurts—I can’t remember at all.”
(His eyes dart around, right hand clutching his pocket tightly.)
Xiao Yuan: “Of course you did. You said Singles’ Day only comes once a year, so you were going to give us a huge, amazing red envelope.”
Sister Puff: “Who’s calling me~~”
(A red envelope falls from the sky, knocking out the narrator again.)
——————————————————————————————
Xiao Yuan: “Sister Puff, you’re done for. You just knocked out the narrator. He was about to give us red envelopes, so now you have to compensate us.”
Sister Puff: “Eh? Eh eh eh? Is it my fault? No way, I’m not a ‘sister’—call me Puff Girl.”
Xiao Yuan: “Okay, Sister Puff, hand over the red envelope, Sister Puff.”
Sister Puff: “Tsk, I said I’m a girl, a girl! You naughty kid, I’ll graciously give you an unbeatable red envelope. Here, it’s huge.”
(Sister Puff produces a red envelope as large as a person, dashes forward, and vanishes.)
Xiao Yuan: “Wow, it really is a huge red envelope. Let’s see what’s inside.”
(Opens the envelope, and a person emerges.)
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Blue Kid: “I don’t want to be Blue Kid.”
Xiao Yuan: “But you’re not really Blue Kid, are you?”
Blue Kid: “Really? You’re not lying? I’m not Blue Kid?”
Xiao Yuan: “Of course, you’re White Kid, not blue at all.”
Blue Kid: “Waaaah, you’re bullying me! Bad guy, waaaah!”
(Takes the red envelope and runs off crying.)
Xiao Yuan: “My red envelope...”
——————————————————————————————
Wen Hui: “Xiao Yuan, what are you up to?”
Xiao Yuan: “Nothing, just ran into some weirdos.”
Wen Hui: “Weirdos? Sounds interesting. And what’s this lump over here?”
Xiao Yuan: “Oh, that’s a kind of fungus called the Narrator. Clean it, and when you cook it, it smells delicious and is crunchy to chew.”
Wen Hui: “So it’s like a mushroom? Is it tasty?”
Erina Nakiri walks up from behind: “Want to try it? No matter what the ingredient, I can make it delicious.”
Wen Hui: “Really? I want to try it! I want to eat it!” Her eyes sparkle.
(Bee-beep, bee-beep—the sound of a phone dialing.)
Xiao Yuan: “Hello, Hisako? Erina’s here. Yes, yes, I got it.”
(Hangs up.)
Xiao Yuan: “Erina, Hisako just told me she bought a fantastic new manga, and apparently one of the characters looks just like you.”
Erina Nakiri: “What manga?”
Xiao Yuan: “I think it’s called ‘Food Wars’.”
Erina Nakiri: “Alright, I’m going home right now.”
Wen Hui: “Wait—what about my food?”
(Erina’s eyes sparkle as she turns and leaves.)
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Wen Hui: “Hmph, whatever, she just left. I didn’t want to eat her cooking anyway.”
Xiao Yuan: “Chocolate. Want some?”
(Xiao Yuan offers chocolate.)
Wen Hui: “Yes, I do.”
(She reaches out, but a pair of small hands snatches it first.)
Wen Hui: “Hey, what are you doing? That’s mine.”
Mysterious Character: “Hmph, anything Xiao Yuan makes is mine.”
Wen Hui: “No, it’s not! Xiao Yuan was giving it to me.”
Mysterious Character: “To you? Then let’s ask Xiao Yuan. Xiao Yuan, is your chocolate for me or her? She’s already appeared several times; it’ll be a long time before it’s my turn. I’m so envious.” She says “envious” with a blank face.
Xiao Yuan: “Mhm, it’s for you, Little Meow.”
(Xiao Yuan’s hesitation disappears instantly, and she nods.)
Wen Hui: “Xiao Yuan~~~~~~”
Mysterious Character: “Heh heh.”
Little Meow waves the chocolate triumphantly at Wen Hui, then turns and runs off.
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Huang Xiaoyan: “What are you all doing?”
Xiao Yuan: “Celebrating Singles’ Day, I guess... Hey Xiaoyan, want to watch ‘Ace Censor’ later? I heard the female lead looks exactly like you.”
Huang Xiaoyan: “I’m busy now, maybe next time. By the way, aren’t you preparing torches for Singles’ Day?”
Wen Hui: “What would we need torches for?”
Huang Xiaoyan: “I heard all the singles prepare torches on this day—but why, I wonder?”
Wen Hui: “Then why didn’t you prepare one?”
Huang Xiaoyan: “I’m looking for someone. Have you seen a guy beating a gong?”
Xiao Yuan: “He just ran by. Why are you looking for him?” (Points in a direction.)
Huang Xiaoyan: “To kill him.”
Huang Xiaoyan draws the Immortal Execution Sword and charges in the direction Xiao Yuan pointed.
Xiao Yuan: “I get the feeling she’s just here to show off her relationship.”
Wen Hui: “Xiao Yuan~~ chocolate~~”
Xiao Yuan: “Where’s your tsundere act now? Alright, alright, let’s go buy some together. I heard there’s a new ice cream shop nearby run by some weirdo in a raincoat. Let’s try it out.”
The two walk off toward the ice cream shop. A girl with long white hair and red clothes approaches from the opposite direction... they brush past each other...
Extra Scene—End.